October 25, 2004
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I Luuurve Me Some Gary Gulman
I never thought I was star struck. Until I saw Gary Gulman in person. He is a beautiful man. And while the rest of you were watching some so-called history-in-the-making baseball game or whatever on Wednesday night, I was getting a handful of Gary Gulman’s back sweat. Aww yeah!
I decided I had to preserve
The show itself was great. In defense of
After the show, I stalked the area in case
My damn camera didn’t work.
Another fan pulled him away. I turned my camera off and then turned it back on (sometimes this works, mmmmkay?). I got
My damn camera didn’t work. Again.
Turned camera off. Turned camera on. It looked like it was finally coming to life.
“One more time,” I begged to
He forced a smile and reluctantly agreed. I wrapped my arm around him and placed my hand at the small of his back. His shirt was drenched. My hand took a dip right in the middle of a big, Gary Gulman back sweat party.
My camera worked.
Pit sweat has never been this hot.
Jordansmorgasborgen: The Funniest Niece on the Planet
(age 9)
On the election:
Heidi: “What made you choose him?”
[TheGoddess says: One more good reason not to vote for Bush.]
* * *
Jordan: “I hope the crows don’t come down and peck them out.” – admiring the sparkly studs in her newly pierced ears.
* * *
Jordan: “If you turn it upside down, it looks like he’s skydiving.” – said directly to the artist (P. Buckley Moss) of the following print of the crucifixion of Christ:
The response from Moss? “Skydiving is probably more fun.”
Me: Yes, but to be on that show, you have to be young and hot.
Me: HEY!!!
Me: No, you said I was young, but you didn’t say hot. You don’t think I’m hot?
I don’t get ANY of Secret’s new “scents.” The shiny purple label of Secret’s Violet Dazzle Deodorant caught my eye while I was grocery shopping the other day. I typically buy products that are in purple packaging, with no regard to cost, effectiveness or necessity, but Violet Dazzle confused me. At first I thought it was like that roll-on body glitter stuff that you see some women wear out to a club. It would be weird to have glittery pits, I thought. But then I noticed that Secret’s Violet Dazzle deodorant is neither purple nor glittery. According to Secret’s website, Violet Dazzle is one of its new “dazzling” scents. How does a scent dazzle?
I also discovered a number of other perplexing scents made by Secret: Moonlit Rose, Pear Illusion, Peach Shimmer and Berry Sparkle. I appreciate Secret’s descriptive efforts, but the berry does not sparkle and the peach does not shimmer. If I stare at Pear Illusion long enough, will I be able to see a hidden picture? And doesn’t a Rose in any type of light smell just as sweet?
Then there are the scents that aren’t actual scents. For example, the Secret Invisible Solid (“Micronized formula that glides on clear” – what does micronized mean? Word does not recognize it) comes in the “scents” of Ambition, Genuine and Optimism. Can anyone tell me what genuine smells like? “My, you smell very optimistic today.”
Secret also offers a variety scents that I’m not at all convinced are nice-smelling: Glacier Mist, Mystic Rain and Ocean Breeze. Does a glacier even have a smell? Does it feel really cold going on? What is so mystical about Secret’s Mystic Rain? And do I really want to smell like the ocean? People piss in the ocean.
And what’s the difference between Powder Fresh and Velvet Powder? Is Velvet Powder not equally as fresh? And which is the better fresh feeling – Powder Fresh or Shower Fresh? What about Tropical Radiance v. Tropical Satin? The Tropics are hot. Heat makes me sweat. Sort of defeats the purpose, doesn’t it?
And finally, there is the Unscented v. Regular debate. Is there a difference? I guess unscented is better than, say, stinky scented (i.e., no deodorant at all), but if Regular isn’t the same as Unscented, it must have a scent. And if it has a scent, was scent is it?
Next Time on I Don’t Get It: Anti-cellulite pantyhose.
Photographic evidence that I don’t make this shit up.
Sidebar: you wouldn’t believe the weird looks you get when you take pictures of pantyhose in the middle of a crowded Wal-Mart.
Random Funnies
“I think I made a gay man very happy today!” – an email from Mom
* * *
Mother to young daughter in a store: Brandi, don’t wander out of the store . . . Brandi, stay here! Brandi!! Come back here RIGHT NOW!!!
(Brandi leaves the store)
Mother: I hope the BAD MAN gets you!!! *pause* Or woman.
[TheGoddess says: It is good to be politically correct when inflicting deep, psychological wounds upon your children.]
* * *
Coworker No. 1: I must’ve been leaning on my arm funny while I was reading last night because when I was done, I couldn’t lift my arm above my head.
Coworker No. 2: That’s why I don’t read.
* * *
“If they want to be pampered, they need to go back to the Holiday Inn.” – Twila from Survivor
[TheGoddess says: When I think of being pampered, the first place that comes to mind is the Holiday Inn.]
Things I Hate
a new continuing series
I HATE . . .
1. The buttons on the ATM. They are never properly aligned with the available options. You would not believe the number of times I’ve accidentally selected to have the instructions displayed in Spanish. Veinte dolares, por favor!
2. When people say “ATM machine.” The “M” in ATM stands for “machine,” so when you say “ATM machine,” you are actually saying, “Automated Teller Machine machine.” It sounds stupid stupid. Stop repeating yourself yourself. It’s redundant redundant.
3. When co-workers ask if I’m interviewing for a job at another firm just because my desk at work is clean and organized (admittedly, a rare occurrence).
4. Those “Speed Checked By Aircraft” signs. Has anyone ever been pulled over my a helicopter cop? Stupid, lying police trying to scare me into submission with their stupid, lying signs!
5. The season finale of Nip Tuck. NO! THE GOOD LOOKING ONE! NOOOOOO!!!
6. That no matter where I stand in a long line, it will always be the exact place that every person in the universe will cut through to pass by.
7. That Lindsay Lohan is trying so hard to be Britney Spears.
8. That a skim no-whip grande mocha from Starbucks costs 21 cents more today than it did last month.
9. When I think the radio is playing one of my favorite songs, but it really was just a snippet from one of those fake-out teaser we-play-all-the-hits! commercials.
10. When people spell my name “Daniel” instead of “Danielle.” Hello! These aren’t man tits!
Xangans Who Made Me Snarf My Starbucks Mocha Grande
“I drink so much coffee that any vampire that happened to drink of me wouldn’t sleep for weeks. He’d just lay there in his coffin all day long, thinking “This sucks. I wish I had cable.” – blueyoohoo
“Then I felt my boobs to make sure they weren’t onions.” – jessicass
“So I went home and changed my underwear just in case and laid on the couch and waited to die. After two hours I decided maybe I was going to live and got up and did the laundry.” – LonaMay
“If you’re really serious about meeting a guy, spend less time on your hair and more time following sports. Take some golf lessons, watch Sportscenter, learn about the prevent defense. You can highlight your hair, I don’t give a shit…nothing is sexier than a girl who knows exactly why Grady Little was an idiot for leaving in Pedro to face Matsui. You’d be surprised how the right piece of sports knowledge can help you connect with a guy. If you’re at a restaurant and the service is slow, you can be like ‘Oh my god, the service here is slower than Cecil Fielder.’ Or ‘Who’s running this restuarant? Larry Brown? ‘ Look at that…instant credibility. And you take this philosophy to the bedroom…forget about it. After a particularly good round of sex, you can tell a guy “that was great” or “you rock my world “. Whatever…that’s boring. We’ve heard it all before. You really want to get a guy’s attention, tell him, ‘Wow, that was incredible . . . you were like MJ dropping 55 on the Knicks.’ Bam! Just like that you’ve made history. Your relationship may not last the weekend…but he’ll be telling that story thirty years from now when someone asks him ‘Hey, what’s the greatest thing a woman has ever said to you?’” – jay321
“Nobody touches your privates unless they have a note from your mom.” – MidoriSour
“This tattoo moves away from symbolism towards a more narrative form. The story here concerns a Demon Cat emerging from the genitals of a retarded woman, who is giving the viewer a ‘thumbs up’ sign to put their mind at rest. Visually simple, but loaded with fucked-up meaning.” – campionsthumb
“Down at the drugstore this morning (where I dropped an unconscionable 56 bucks [entirely too much of it spent on tampons and maxi pads] {and don’t you just bet that if men bled once a month, they’d be giving this shit away with every purchase of jalapeno-flavoured pork rinds?}), the cashier, noting my purchase of inexpensive popcorn, mentioned she thought I should try the Orville Redenbacher. First of all, why does a stranger care what brand of popcorn I’m buying? Why? Can her life truly be so bereft of interest that even a teeny corner of her brain would get invested in the fact that I’ve got Crazy Ernie’s Low-Rent Popping Corn That Only Bad, Inferior People Who Obviously Don’t Love Their Children Buy in my shopping basket?” – Primeva
“I just had to call a guy named Richard Dickard.” – lotusgirl
I couldn’t pick just one quotation from this blog, so go read the whole thing:
The Mr. S Lexicon by officeconfidential
Comments (126)
Secret also has a smell called “Athletic.” I DEFINITELY don’t want to smell athletic.
OH hell yeah on the ATM buttons. @!#$!@!!
The panythose thing cracks me up…and actually pretty much most of this post. Well done. How cool that you got to meet Gary C – he is a cutie, sweat and all.
I thought I was alone on the ATM front, like it was some sort of problem me being tall, and their screens being aimed at the eye level of a toddler.
I just saw an ad for Secret Platinum Invisible Solid, now if it came in an aerosol can, I can see it being invisible (or could I), but it sounds like an oxymoron, and if it smells like a moron it must look like a moron, and god knows I don’t know anyone who wants to smell like a moron.
Jordan is such a funny kid, she kicks arse.
I absolutly love your blogs. They make me laugh so hard. Thanks….
The ATM I go to talks to me. In a creepy man voice. Of course, I didn’t notice it the 50 times I went in the middle of the day…no, I noticed it at 11 pm, alone in my car. I may have peed a little.
I can’t believe Gary doesn’t remember your name. I mean, sheesh…how hard is it to remember “The?” I’d sympathize with him if you were named after a less common article, say, “An,” but “The?” Come on, Gary, get it together.
A pet peeve of mine: people who say “heighth.” This is not a word. “Height” is a word. “Heighth” is not. The statistician in me says there’s a high probability that The Goddess will sympathize with my particular peeve.
No, wait, that was the poker player in me. The statistician in me says, “Myu.”
I love you. No, really. In a way that makes me want to send you chocolates and normal deodarant and fancy pantyhose. Honestly, anti-cellulite? And thank goodness I can understand Spanish, because heaven knows I’ve hit that stupid button so many times…
I always get excited when you update. Of course you don’t know me, but still excitement flows through these veins of mine. You make me want to live. Seriously.
that’s it. i’m in love with you. why am i straight??? damn it!
the list, jordan, quotes, Secret, all of it. love.
Love your posts, even if I have to wait 2 months for them
Amen. I totally prefer back sweat over “some so-called history-in-the-making baseball game or whatever” – any day!
And re: Danielle vs. Daniel…. I can’t tell you how many times people have read my name ‘Michael’ instead of ‘Michelle’. Both are pretty common names, yet you don’t know how to spell/read them…. Are you retarded??
hahaha… skinny noggin! works for me, Herman Munster in 04!!
lol, I have been very confused about the new Secret scents.
Jordon for President!!!!!
hah!
Yuuurrmm. You lucky dog!
Yes yes, the deoderant’s misleading descriptions are evil, since you can’t tear away the silver strip and preview the scent as if they were perfumes.
And do you want your armpits to clash with your neck and wrists?
They should have “neutralizer” scent – the complete opposing compliment to whatever combination sweat smells like, like a Ph balance type thing.
You are one funny gal, I’ve said it before I’ll say it again.
Ay, I hate when people say ATM-machine too.
By God(dess) that OfficeConfidential link was hilarious! Painful, painful, though.
OMG! You met Gray Gulman? I am so jealous! Yes, that’s me! He is so handsome! AT least his smile doesn’t look fake.
LMAO @ your neice! I love how you find such humor in everything… and frankly it’s refreshing to know that real life is funny and you jsut have to have a good sense of humor.
I love the bloggy goodness!!!
Holy crap you came back!!!
Jordan is one friggin funny kid!
Damn that is a whole lotta pit sweat! Hopefully he had a good scent on, Sparkling Melons or similar.
So the crazy names for deodorant are one thing, but then the commercials for them are a whole different matter. This goes for most feminine products such as shampoo, lotion, etc…
It always shows some woman in the bathroom which turns into a jungle/forest/exotic place, and then the voice-over announcer (in sexy tones) says “Discover our new fragrance…” as if when one is buying deodorant in the store they are creeping around the aisles dressed in safari attire. *woman in safari gear runs up to shelf* “Yes, yes! I have finally discovered the elusive Twinkling Kumkwat scent!”
Wow…cellulite fighting nylons. I’m so there. LOL
Have a great day!
So….at first, I thought you were simply misspelling Gary Coleman…and I was worried that you might really be that excited about meeting him and it wasn’t just sarcasm. Glad we cleared that up fast.
Your niece is a riot, but you are hot…
Until next time. *bows before The Goddess*
Oh, I luuuuuuuuurve you. I thought I would snot on my screen when you asked if a picture would pop out of the Secret label. Let’s go to Wal-mart together sometime. I’ll run interference for you while you take your photos.
(She said kumkwat)
How cool of that artist to not get offended, but instead have a smart response.
And you, milady, are hilarious.
I don’t know who Gary Gulman is, but I think he is cuter than Jon Stewart.
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/XANGAholics_Anonymous/
I used to think that Christian Aguillera was trying too hard to be like Brittney Spears until I hear her sing. Christina is such a gifted singer.
Regarding Lindsay, I just cannot see the resemblance between her and Brittney at all. Okay, well, maybe they both had boob implants, but that’s it!
People misspell your name? Why is it most Americans seem to be on a third-grade spelling level?
Hilarious!!
hell yeah those airplanes will check your speed. watch for white hash marks on the side of the road and an airplane icon. the marks are placed every mile and the plane will count how long it takes you to go from one mark to the other. so if you notice those lines, slow down below the speed limit until you pass the next line, it’ll help keep you from getting a ticket. they’ll either mail it to your house (check license plate) or have a cop pull you over later. happened to my boyfriend a few times.
You are an absolute riot… I never understood scent those scents either. When was the last time they smelled the ocean? Its full of whale and shark poo… that is why they tell you not to drink the water. I love you updates!
Yup, you need a new camera. Something to ask Santa for.
The Daniel/Danielle thing – people are just too damn lazy!
Damn those “we play all the hits”teasers! Damn them to hell! If you really play all the hits, go ahead and actually PLAY them, instead of just talking about it…
Grr…
in plain words…you are a cutie!!!!
yeah…my roommate is just about as obsessed with purple as you are. see, there are two distinct sides to this room: my side, and purple. it’s slightly disturbing.
Oh, and did you know that stupid Secret new dazzling (or whatever) scents are next to impossible to wash off in the shower? Ick. I used the Velvet Powder one for about three days before it made me crazy and I had to switch back to Suave. (But don’t even get me started on Suave’s Sun-Ripened Raspberry, which smells nothing like raspberries, sun-ripened or otherwise.)
extremely funny entry
props just coz i think ure pretty
gary gulman is hot…and smiley.
people do look at you weird when you take pictures at wal-mart. i don’t see why…i think it’s normal.
hilarious stuff, which i probably don’t need to tell you twice.
I have no clue who Gary Gulman is, but, based on that photo, I’d like to fuck him.
Wow! Lucky girl, meeting Gary Gulman
Hmmm, you know another thing about the bad name spelling and pronunciation… have you ever gotten one of those people who delights (or who is really stupid) in putting letters in your name that were never there before? For example, Trifiro would then turn into Triblarino… ugh it’s just so frustrating!! Also, your xanga site is really awesome to read!!
sooooooooooo ummmmmmmmmmm can u propz me if u do then u r the goddess
Hello Goddess,
I like your site. You worked hard to make it interesting and informative. I see that you have a wide range of interests and peeves.
I like to write articles about God and religion on my site. I want to help people to really get to know God, especially in these troubled times. I hope you get a chance to look at them.
Too many things to laugh about to comment on just one! Thanks! (but EEEWWWW, ANYone’s sweat!)
I think you should definitely not try out for The Apprentice. I also, however, happen to think that you’re much better than medium. More towards well-done. Or perhaps I mean rare.
In any event, you’re exceptional.
And you’re so on with the radio-snippets. I hate that; just when I start getting into it and they cut to the Carry on My Wayward Son clip. (Not that I hate Kansas entirely–they’re the new Boston. Nominated for the Overplayed Oldies Hall of Fame.)
Glad you’re back!
-Art
Gack, sorry about all those spaces!
I like BritneySpears better. I think her music are better than Christina Aguilera. Who is Gary Gulman? Is he like a baseball player or something? Well, random eProps for you. Have a good day. Bye.
Okay you’re at least medium-high.
Dear M(r?)s. Goddess,
No. This isn’t the IRS. Yet. No. This is Andrew. As in “Andrew is the king of xanga”. Do you remember? Don’t tell me you don’t remember. Two days ago? “A goddess trumps a king”? Well I’m here to beg to differ. Perhaps on my knees. But more likely standing up, shaking my fist at your goddessliness.
Allow me to use this mathematical equation to lull you into a false sense of my rightness:
abxg + abxg2rt = lmnop*
Given that a = andrew, b = buys, x = the thing we’re trying to figure out, and g = goddess, it would still take another one of me and you, plus an x and a buys for some reason, not to mention 2 r’s and a t to create lmnop.
Therefore whatever I say is correct. And I think your xanga is amazing. So there.
first time coming here. i enjoyed ur entries. nice pics. take care
~*liz*~
wow…i hate that lucky girl who gets to be with him..
wait..is he taken?! haha.
Very funny. I completely agree with you about the Secret. I was turned off from buying their product because I mis-understood and thought there was actual glitter in the deodorant. Who wants sparkly armpits??
Jordan is HILARIOUS! I love her logic.
I also hate the radio commercial teasers. They get me every time. I’m all prepared to keep singing along and then you get the annoying, booming voice. Grrr.
first i thought it said gary coleman, and hoo-boy, color me appalled.
and dude, never buy anything that smells like a glacier. those bitches stink like nobody’s business.
HA! As usual you rock my world. There is nothing better than to check my inbox and see a post from you! Doesn’t happen very often. *ahem*. AAAAAAAAAanyway, it was good for me! Thanks.
i hate most of those things, too… except my name isn’t Danielle…. but i hate people who can’t spell. and i’ve never been to Starbucks. I make my coffee at home.
Your posts never fail to crack me up. I nod my head in approval in your general vicinity with a rigorous giving of two thumbs up. Your niece and my niece should get coffee sometime, they have the same outlook on politics. Keep it real Gawd[ess].
~Dyslexic Thug
Yay! Another great post! Thank you!
Isn’t Gary Gulman like 6’5″ … are you like some Amazon warrior princess?
Mmm…that Gary guy is yummy…glad you camera worked!
YAY!! You posted again!
One thing….almost EVERY time I go to Vegas, I get pulled over by a cop that got a signal from a patrolling aircraft. They just hover, waiting. Waiting to ruin the beginning of your weekend get-away.
good to see an update. Your camera works in wal-mart, but not in high profile situations apparently? Perhaps it needs to seek professional help.
YAY she came back from hibernation!!! I hope this isn’t the only post we get in like 2 months. You are so hilarious and intelligent and just plain exciting. I think that will be my reason for voting for Kerry as well.
Hi, be encouraged today
Psalms 46:1-3 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.
Psalms 18:2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
Psalms 55:22 Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.
Isaiah 43:18 Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
Peace be yours
“you wouldn’t believe the weird looks you get when you take pictures of pantyhose in the middle of a crowded Wal-Mart. “ I think… no… I know… I just fell in love with you all over again!
Thank you for the laugh.
sail on… sail on!!!
for your next blog, you should include how all the cars in VH1′s new show “Motormouth” are *exactly* the same. I bet you could make one damned long and funny blog on it.
Your posts are amazing…i’m with you on the ATM thing too…and Jordan’s reason for voting Kerry…it works for me.
lol at pit sweat. no one likes mine ~ pouts ~
Wonderbucko as usual.
As usual… good one.
I hate to disagree, but that guy is lukewarm, not hot. Or medium as your niece would say. I am glad you got to dip into the pool of hot sweat though – every girl needs that opportunity now and then
Good to see you again, btw. I have been away, secretly and now I am back, secretly. That can’t be right, I guess I am not really here at all?
Two comments… I actually know someone who got ticketed by an aircraft… actually, better said, they were clocked from the air, and then someone on the ground was told to go get them.
I also hate it when people write “please r.s.v.p.”, because “r.s.v.p” is an American hijacking of “respondez, s’il vous plaît”, which means “please answer” or “please respond”, depending on how you like to translate things… so “please r.s.v.p.” is just as redundant and horrible-sounding as “ATM machine”… and don’t get me started on the colloquial disaster of “tuna fish”… nobody says “grouper fish”, “pike fish”, “orange roughy fish”, “marlin fish”, or “bass fish”… do people think there is a “tuna bird”, “tuna lizard”, or “tuna insect”?
m{eye}k
yeah that was you, hotty pants. I agree, those aren’t man anything… peace
heh, I always get a good laugh from your entries, but I rarely comment, because by the moment I get around to it, I’m already 179th in line. Such is the case again, but this time, I’ll comment anyway. A very entertaining installment, including many great thoughts! Keep them flowing!
^^ i love when you sample postings of other bloggers. and i think perhaps gary should have tried one of those shimmering fruits deodorants. and wouldn’t it have been nice if jesus merely needed to skydive for our sins. hee, you’re so funny. just as good as that gary guy you admire so much, or better.
You know, I still don’t know who this Gary guy is? Why is he so sweaty? That’s what I want to know.
ur posts are so hilarious- i don’t know how u come up with this stuff!
and the great quotes u always find from people’s sites, how long does that take u?
thanks for a laugh, u brightened my day!
I just read your whole freaking blog entry and I don’t even know you. You are very entertaining when I am procrastinating to do something else.
Don’t you think the Dodgers should move back to Brooklyn?
Yeah, the Secret Glacier Mist? I use it*l* I also tried Mystic Rain.
Apparently, glaciers smell better than rain…they’re more fruity/flowery while rain apparently has a little more of an edge, a little more bite. Who knew?
-Rubie-
Congrats! You have been nominated for a Xanga Superlative. Come by and join in the fun.
Hahah, oh man. This whole blog gave me a great laugh. And I also hate how people cut through the line where I’m standing, no matter WHERE I am. It drives me insane.
Thanks for subbing, I’ll be doing the same
Not that I’m telling you anything you haven’t heard from nearly a hundred people.. but that was hilarious.
For a good laugh, read my site TODAY–Wednesday, November 10, 2004!
i know you’re going to hate me, but who is Gary?
When I came across your page and glanced at your picture for a split second, I thought, “She looks like a cross between Reese Witherspoon and Jenny McCarthy.” pretty neat.
I hate hate hate #9 bc then I have a song in my head that I love but only know the first 2 sentences to..but there it is stuck in my head for the rest of the day.
I haven’t commented since the last millenium…or so it seems. Just letting you know I’m still alive. Or at least I was the last time I checked.
Your site is definitely too funny not to subscribe to. Er. To not subscribe to? Not subscribe to to. To not to subscribe.
Something, anyway.
I surfed your way by means of the Xanga contest that neuroticfitchmom is hosting. Just dropped by to see what you were all about. Good luck in the contest!
I shall be #87 (and there was much rejoicing!).
Dude, I think that guy left a cowlick in your hair with his pit! Bro’s gotta a wicked moist pit. I sweat like that too, and I’ve got that guy’s nose, and….hey, that’s me goddamit! No, can’t be, he’s got too much hair (can you just imagine the hair in his pits? like the freakin amazon in those things).
Wow, you have an excellent blog! Congrats on your superlative! I just thought I’d stop by and check ya out. I got one too
but not for being as funny as you, hehe! Take care and again, congrats!
OH gosh. I didn’t get through all of it just yet but I’m visiting from another page. The Gary one was hilarious! I loved it. The pit sweat was a little gross… but otherwise added to the hilarity.
You rock! Just like they all say.
he is a cutie isn’t he. Enjoyed your blog.
I am visiting thru the winner list on NeuroticFitchMom site. Congrats for the recognition, it is always nice to know someone reading thinks you are doing something right.
Have a good Thanksgiving,
Pays to not give up; I keep checking back until I found a new post.
As always its a winner.
Can not wait to hear about the pantyhose.
Have a great holiday
Well I wasn’t gonna actually read all this entry (but I did), and then I wasn’t gonna comment because you have enough damn comments, and because you have so many you probably wont even see my comment so wont answer, but if you do you probably (holy FUCK you have 21,687 visitors?!?! I have like 3. Haha. What a loser.) won’t even have a good answer for me, and even if you DO see this and DO have an answer – there’s fuck all chance I’ll see this site again to see the answer…. but it’s 2am and I have arse all to do so I decided to leave you a rambling comment instead…
……. And the point of ^ is… I just wanted to ask whether you knew if those cellulite-getty-rid-of (fuck off I don’t take english) tights, or pantyhose or whatever, actually work and if so where can I get some?
Seriously.
Also, “superlative” looks a lot like “superlaxative” to me… and that doesn’t look so much like a compliment.
Not that I know what it is/means *anyway*, but if that’s what y’all are into…
weird. my camera does the same exact thing. i once went to a meet and greet after a concert, and it stopped working the minute i posed with them.
i always thought it was a conspiracy!
hugS.
I love Jordan stories!
i just came across your site and it is freaking hilarious. ur comments are so original and random. i love it. thank you for making my day. =) you are a genius…truly a *goddess.
Mwahaha satch is an arsehole.
And goodness your entries rock! They’re long too – wow, I never see that.
I write long entries, and try to put in what makes me laugh, I just never know when to stop haha. This is excellent stuff, though. An easy subscribe. 
Wonder why there is an eye-rolling smiley… Do you have a different code for it? I’m sure i meant to put a lame
in there or something. heh Just clarifying that I didn’t intentionally put an eye roll in there. Didn’t want you to think I’m snotty or something.
Ok I see how it is now. What is usually the code for the tongue smiley, : – P, here comes out as
. Alright, I’ll shut up now. Just have to figure things out, ya know. 
<—If this doesn’t turn out as a wink, that is what it was meant to be. heh
Visit my site TODAY for a good laugh. I might have mentioned your name again!
Hey, I am trying to recruit people to do a survey for me. It is posted on my xanga site. Please, come by and check it out!
You are cordially invited to participate in a XANGAland group story on my site. Dont’ be a party pooper!
JESUS…do you get hella comments.
I think I ruptured a muscle laughing at some of that stuff, perhaps I should sue.
‘thin head…bad man/woman… pit sweat…’ just too much
I wasn’t going to comment today but since I’ve read this twice and it still makes me laugh thought I’d do it.
God I have never seen a funnier entry!! This is good stuff! I’m seriously considering of changing the style of my writings in blogs. *That’s* much more fun damnit!
Gotta love it <3
Hilarious, thanks for a much needed laugh, not regular enough though!!
M
Hurry up and update. I’m missing my Goddess posts. :grr:
Omigosh I don’t think I have read anything this funny in ages. Thank you.
hey, why no update??
One of the most hysterical blogs I have ever read…and probably completely typical for you too. That was so worth my time. I just dropped over having seen your name on Jpnkn’s list. I can totally see her point. Are your present blogs protected too or has it just been a while? I would LOVE to read more of your stuff if you don’t mind adding me to your list. This is the way my website works but I will pretty much add anyone who appears normal.
Thanks again for the good funnies- the ATM bit had me bust a lung.
UPDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE.
omg i love your site!!!! what happened to all the recent posts though =(
http://www.LanIsWeird.com
i really hope you keep these up because i am obsessed
Update, please! Your site’s the reason why I even set mine up (other than the bandwagon I jumped on with my friends – but I digress). Add me and I’ll add you to my protected listing even though you don’t know me from Eve.
That’s why I stick to Lady Speed Stick. At least I understand what orchard blossom smells like. No dazzle, no shimmer, no sparkle. Just the pleasing smell of sweet apples
i need a laugh. update!
Even you don’t normally take this long to post, what’s up?
Post!!! I miss your funny entries!
I luuurve me some Ricky from the Kaiser Chiefs who gave me a hug and called me babe!
Dear Goddess,
Whatever we did to chase you away for this eternity, we are sorry. Please come back to us. We promise to leave the toilet seat down and the cap on the toothpaste.
Your lonely readers
I don’t get it…it says you updated yet I see this? Am I not on this protected list? Am I missing something? HELP!!
this may be random, but i was wondering if you’d add me to your protected list.. yes, i barely comment, but i’ve been reading/subscribed to both your xangas for well over a year now.. i’m disappointed that i can’t read your protected entries on this xanga while i can on your other one. thank you ahead of time.
^^ What they said. Minus the ‘I can read the protected posts on your other xanga’. Because I can’t.
Oh my God, have you REALLY not blogged since October??