May 25, 2004

  • Why My Boyfriend is a “Little Bit Different”


    Part 4


     


    38.  In my last entry, I made up that bit about how the Boyfriend farted to deter me from reclaiming the good side of the bed.  It was 100% fiction.  And I’m not just saying that because The Boyfriend got mad that I wrote in my blog about how he farted to deter me from reclaiming the good side of the bed. It wasn’t true at all.1


     


    39.  After attending a day of driving school to avoid a speeding charge and then taking the driving school test without getting a single question wrong, the Boyfriend now brags that he graduated from driving school summa cum laude.  Two words: resume builder.


     


    40.  He’s man enough to wear this penis harness in public:


     



     


    41.  Just kidding. It is a rock wall climbing harness, not a penis harness . . . or so they say! (*eyeballs rock wall employees suspiciously*)


     


    42.  That’s not really a picture of the Boyfriend.2


     


    43.  During the movie Troy, when the Greeks left a giant wooden horse for the Trojans who subsequently brought the horse into their city walls, the Boyfriend leaned over and whispered excitedly, “I think [the Greeks] are inside of the horse!”


     


    44.  Me: Haven’t you heard of the saying, “Never look a gift horse in the mouth?”


           The Boyfriend: I thought it was a gimp horse.  


     


    45.  The aforementioned exchange also occurred during the movie Troy, as I was taught in the fifth grade that the expression is based on the Trojan horse. The Boyfriend pointed out that that made no sense because had the Trojans looked in the horse’s mouth, they would have discovered the Greeks hiding inside. I had to agree, but in my defense, a quick Google search revealed that many others were also fed the same historical misinformation in grade school as I was.  The expression, “Never look a gift horse in the mouth” refers to how breeders will look at a horse’s teeth to learn its age and physical condition. It has nothing to do with the Greeks and Trojans, but hey, at least I knew it wasn’t a gimp horse.


     


    46.  We actually argued over whether the word “buttock” referred to the entire butt, or just each separate butt cheek (I was advocating the latter position).  He eventually agreed with me, but only after I said that I could never date a man with only one butt cheek.  I’m shallow, I know.


     


    47.  Me: I really need to shave. My leg hair is starting to form dreadlocks.


           The Boyfriend: Really? They are?!3


     




    Dear Rupert,


    Now that you’ve won one million dollars, it is time for you to buy some new shirts.


    Very truly yours,


    TheGoddess


     




    TheGoddess rants about . . . The Swan


     


    Yeah, I admit it . . . I followed this crap. But I only watched the first and last ten minutes of each show (the final episode being the only exception). Who cares what happens in between? Do I really need to watch as a doctor sucks fat out of a woman’s thighs? Or see how the “team of experts” hacks up her face to give her new cheekbones? Just the before and after, please. 


     


    There are many other aspects of the show that annoy me.  Do you really expect me to believe that the Swan contestants haven’t seen their reflections in months? Sure, the producers say that they had “mirror police” that covered up all reflective surfaces, but I’m not buying what they’re selling. In my office, I check my appearance (or for HBs4) in a silver picture frame sitting on my desk.  You don’t need to be McGuyver to improvise this one. Exhibit A, counselor: why is it that the first thing each Swan contestant does when she sees her new image “for the first time” is cover her face with her hands? Obviously, they don’t need a mirror (even though we know they’ve found one already) to know what their new boobs look like. The only thing that could remotely be a surprise would be their face. Yet, the contestants immediately hide their faces in the “shock” of it all. 


     


    And then there is the cheese factor. I hate how the show tried to make the “reveals” more dramatic than they were. Do we really need to hear that stupid music? Why make us wait an eternity before opening up the curtain? Why were the contestants forced to make swan-like poses behind the back-lit screen?


     


    And why is it that in the “before” images, all the women were wearing the granny-est of all granny panties? And in the “after” pictures shown at the beginning of the pageant, why did all the contestants have their heads tilted in that awkward, un-human way? My god man, how many times must they recap “the amazing transformations” of the finalists? And why is it that veneers gave all the women that kind of freaky smile where your lips form a near perfect square around your teeth?


     


    The Swan strived so hard to be a distant second cousin of the Miss America Pageant.  It even had a Q&A session, where each judge asked the same question six different ways as the contestants competed to see who could squeeze in the greatest number of clichés in her answer during the time allotted. And the first audible words from the newly-crowned Swan? “Is my nose running?” Classy.


     


    The most annoying aspect of the show had to be the mole on host Amanda Byram’s face. “Moley, moley, moley, moley, moley . . .”  You’d think one of the show’s plastic surgeons would have offered to remove that hideous mole. For a discount, even!  






    Oddly enough, despite all of the above, tonight I still watched the Swan pageant instead of the President’s speech.  


     



    Dear Writers From This Season’s Sopranos,    


    It is about time!


     


    Sincerely, 


    TheGoddess




    From Jordansmorgasborden: The Funniest Niece on the Planet


     




     For the record, my niece climbed higher on the rock wall than I did.


     


    Jordan: During the “Can’t say no” game in drama, this boy asked this girl if she was a lesbian.  What’s a lesbian?


    Heidi: When a woman and a woman love each other, in a sexual way.


    Jordan: That’s creepy.


    Heidi: Why is that creepy all of a sudden? You didn’t think it was creepy when Rebecca and Nancy got married. 


    Jordan: Yeah, but I didn’t know they were lesbians.  I thought they were gay.


     


    Heidi: Why don’t you smile when you sing? You always look constipated.


    Jordan: What’s constipated?


    Heidi: When you have trouble getting your poop out


    Jordan: (laughs) (fakes straining noises)


       (a few minutes later)


    Jordan: I couldn’t help you with the groceries because of what you said, I had to go watch myself sing in the mirror.


    Heidi: To see your constipated face?


    Jordan: I don’t look constipated when I sing.  When I can’t get my poop out, I look like this. (makes constipated face)


     


    Jordan: That person at the bottom of the screen looks creepy.


    Heidi: That’s Michael Jackson


    Jordan: Well, he looks creepy. Or she. Is that a he or a she?




    Movie Review Haiku


     


    Troy


     


    Butt Butt Butt Butt Butt


    Brad Pitt has a sexy butt


    He has two buttocks5


      


    Godsend


     


    Hear that flushing noise?


    Robert DeNiro’s career


    Goes down the shitter 


     


    Man on Fire


     


    A great action flick


    Just missing one little thing


    Brad’s sexy rear end


     


    Mean Girls


     


    Dear Lindsay Lohan,


    Fake or a Miracle Bra?


    That is the question


     




    TheGoddess rants about . . . stupid Dish Network commercials


     


    The Dish Network’s latest commercial jingle is “Who Let the Pigs In?” to the tune of Baha Men’s “Who Let the Dogs Out?” Pigs are running through some lady’s house and she demands to know who let them in. Now, I may be a little slow, but I didn’t get the pig concept until I went to the Dish website and figured out that they are trying to say cable companies are “pigs” because want to eat up all your money (I think). Clearly, the people who came up with this ad wanted to use the Baha Men song, and then developed the stupid pig concept around that. Putting aside the fact that Baha Men are sooooo yesterday’s news, stop picking on the pigs!! Pigs are messy eaters, not overeaters. Thus, the analogy to cable companies is flawed. Pigs don’t eat that much, relatively. Each day, hummingbirds eat more than half their weight in food and eight times their weight in water. Why not compare cable companies to hummingbirds?


     






    Fun Links


     


    http://www.vissor.com/interactive/assets/buttface.swf


     


    Found by typing “buttface” in Google and then clicking on “I’m Feeling Lucky.” According to the test, I am a “Rear admiral.” Woo hoo.


     


    http://www.subservientchicken.com/


     


    Stolen from her (I think). My favorite commands so far: do the chicken dance, urinate, and act like Michael Jackson.


     


    www.menwholooklikekennyrogers.com


     


    Submitted by the Boyfriend, who looks nothing like Kenny Rogers.




    Dear Tara the Rejected Bachelorette,



    Did you use mouthwash after you puked?


    Curious,


    TheGoddess


     






    Why I Hate 1-800-Flowers


     


    What I thought I ordered from 1-800-Flowers for my mom on Mother’s Day:


     



     


    What 1-800-Flowers delivered to my mom on Mother’s Day:


     



     


    A WEDDING bouquet?! WTF?




    Rejected Themes for American Idol


     


    So, you hated Gloria Estefan night? Didn’t care for the Barry Manilow tunes? Did you cringe when Ryan Seacrest announced the Idols would be singing country songs? Well, you should be thankful because here are some of the Idol themes that were rejected:


     


    1.  Gangsta Rap Nite


     


    2.  Guest Judge: William Hung!


     


    3.  Hits from the Crash Test Dummies


     


    4.  Cosby Show Theme Song Nite


     


    5.  The Idols Imitate John Stevens Imitating Frank Siantra


     


    6.  Sweatin’ to the Oldies with the Idols and Richard Simmons


     


    7.  Songs that Will Make Jasmine Trias Forget the Words and Cry


     


    8.  The Idols’ Favorite Tampon Commercial Jingles






    Product Reviews by TheGoddess: Pantyhose


     


    The thing I hate most about my job? Having to wear pantyhose. Fo’ real tho.  But no two kinds of pantyhose are alike. To help you become a more informed consumer of the tight-fitting, circulation-impeding, cooter-smothering nylons of the Devil, I offer my experiences with various brands:


     


    Ultra Sheer by Nordstrom


     


    I’ve always considered Nordstrom a bit more upscale than most department stores. So little did I know that its pantyhose brand would be crap. I bought 3 pairs for $21.00. The first two got runs in them in the morning when I was putting them on. The third got a big fatty run in it sometime right before a hearing I had in court. Look, I understand pantyhose get runs. I’m lucky if I can get two uses out of a single pair. But they should be able to withstand normal use! The Ultra (Crap) Sheer by Nordstrom cannot. I’d only suggest you purchase these pantyhose if: (a) you don’t mind saggy ankles; (b) you walk like a robot; and (c) never pee (unless you can figure out how to pee without taking off these pantyhose).  Rating: Crap.


     


    Silk Reflections by Hanes


     


    For those of you with XY chromosomes, I must provide some explanation: on the back of every package of pantyhose, there is a complex height/weight matrix which tells you what size to buy, presumably based on the stretchiness of the material.  The smallest size is A, the largest I’ve seen is EF.  For some reason, my height and weight in the Hanes’ pantyhose matrix categorizes me a letter HIGHER than every other brand! *gasp* Why would I buy a brand that tells me I’m fatter than the other brands say I am? I don’t even need to try them on to know they’re crap.  Rating: Crap!


     


    Calvin Klein Zero Waistband


     


    The absence of a waistband means minimal hold.  The top slowly begins to roll downward and the crotch area migrates to my knees by the day’s end. BUT! These pantyhose will actually survive about three or four uses!! I’m willing to constantly tug my pantyhose up from my knees if it means I won’t get runs. Rating: Not too crappy.


      


    Low Rise by Victoria’s Secret


     


    The only pantyhose I know of with a wide band that sits very low on the hip *insert heavenly music here* The low rise design prevents the unfortunate but all too common these-pantyhose-make-me-look-six-months-pregnant syndrome. Rating: Far from crappy.


     






    Xangans Who Will Make You Laugh So Hard You’ll Shart5


    “Update on my self imposed celibacy.  I failed.” – SOL70


     


    “Overheard in the car on the way home last night:


    Mackenzie’s friend Robbie: So who do you think will win the election, Bush or Kerry?


    MacKenzie: I don’t know. Kerry, I hope.


    Alex: Obviously Bush, because I don’t think that many people will vote for Drew Carey. His show isn’t even on anymore.” – officeconfidential


     


    “I need money. Whoring myself out to old ladies (mowing lawns) pays the B & N bills, but will not do for Germany.  Maybe I’ll seel one of my livers. I can get by with just one.” – Rue_the_Day


      


    “Ugh. There’s a CSI: New York now.  Well, this fall there’ll be a CSI: New York.  CSI is a great show; one of the best shows on TV right now.  CSI: Miami is one of the worst shows ever.  It makes my brain bleed.  Using the theory that every time you clone something the more it’s makeup starts to break down, CSI: New York will be a crime against humanity.  It should be like that episode of the X-Files where the four brothers kept having sex with their mother and the mother kept giving birth to babies with impossible amounts of genetic malformations and died.  The dead babies would be like CSI: New York.  I should work on that analogy.” – mrLang


     


    “The paper is done.  Well, except for the title, of course.  Titles are always a bugger.  I came up with one, but I don’t think it will go over well: A Work of Unparalleled Genius: Cara’s Documented Essay.  Also, it really has little to do with what the paper is about.  *sigh*” – lawlessgoddess


     


    “Q: What’s the difference between a raccoon and a television?
    A: A lot.”  - jrandom


      


    “Once again, another Saturday where I’m stuck in front of the computer doing work and trying, so very hard, not to masturbate.” – LeXXus 


    “But its too late.  The tissue paper has adhered to the not-yet-dried super glue on my nail. Ok…this illustration is obviously an exaggeration.  First of all, there is more buffer space between wipe and hand, so the “stain” wasn’t there.  Second of all, I trimmed the paper to the minimal size — the size of the glue glob.  But you get the idea.  Yes…basically, I now have a chunk of ass-wiping paper super glued to my nail until it grows out.  Damn the permanency of super glue.  Damn it to hell!” - sofichan 


    “You know what would be cool to see? Dyslexic zombies. They’d only attack guys named ‘Brian’. Think about it.” – Stave


     






    1. The farting thing totally happened. Let’s just hope the Boyfriend doesn’t read footnotes.


    2. Actually, it is.


    3. Said in utter astonishment, without a trace of sarcasm.


    4. HB = hanging booger


     


    5. If you didn’t get the reference to my previous joke, stop scanning my entries, fucker.


     


    6. Shart: when you mean to fart, but you shit yourself instead. -  Along Came Polly (2004).


Comments (84)

  • I thought it was only chubby chicks (such as myself) who had the issue of the pantyhose slipping, sliding, and eventually rolling down during the day! I feel so much better now. ha.

    and… seriously what was 1800 flowers thinking? that is just wrong! Did you complain?

  • Gimp horse. Haha. That’s priceless.

    WTF is with those flowers? That’s so stupid. And crappy, even for a wedding bouquet.

    No comment on The Swan. I’m pretending it doesn’t exist.

  • You definitly need to update more. I laugh so hard soda shoots out of my nose….ummm

    Your funny.

  • wow, your posts are definately worth the wait :) you rock! hee hee

  • You were so right about the Xangan quotes!  Well, not so much about the “sharting,” but definitely about the laughing. 

    I cannot believe 1-800-FLOWERS screwed up your order so badly.  And I know how much you must have paid for that odd little bouquet.  I hope you got terribly indignant with them.

    The subservient chicken scares me.  That is all.

    Technically speaking, the Baha Men don’t even have a song about pigs.  I’m just saying.

    And I can’t get over that your Boyfriend didn’t already know the Greeks were in the horse.  I thought everyone knew that!

  • I absolutely despise pantyhose!!  im going to try Victoria Secret though, if i ever need to wear those awful things again!

    your posts are like a really good book…makes me have ‘outloud’ emotions. :)

  • The subservient chicken is great.  My boyfriend discovered it awhile back and I can’t get enough of it.  Tell him to “make love to the camera” or to “play dead.”  All the actions are quite funny.

    Loved your entry as usual.  You never fail to make me laugh, multiple times.

  • As usual, you crack me up. 

    The Trojan Horse comment the Boyfriend made?  classic. 

    Sounds like something my boyfriend would say. 

    The Swan.  Ugh.  I’m ashamed to say that I watched it three times. 

    American Idol.  Ugh.  They picked off some of the best to leave us with….  Jasmine Trias?  Dear God, please end my suffering. 

  • I know. I used to cackle too when we went rock climbing and the guys had that *ahem* harness attached.

  • I ordered a bouquet from 1-800-Flowers for my parent’s anniversary.  It arrived dead, and two days late.  I feel your pain.

  • Seems like every time I comment here, I’m telling you to blog more! So I won’t this time (but I’ll be using my amazing powers of mind control to implant the desire to blog more in your head). I’m job searching at the moment. One of my criteria? Pantyhose not required!

    Hilarious as always

  • You are hilarious!  I love your blog!

    Keep in coming, I love the laughs :)

  • Really, there were people inside the wooden horse? I told my guy I had rented Under the Tuscan Sun (which I never watched). He said “where is Tuscan?”, and I said “Tuscany, Italy”. He said “I thought that was in Arizona”. Yeah Tuson, Tuscany, same thing.

  • I should take my neice rock climbing.  She five and has callouses on her hands from the monkey bars.  Too bad I’m too scared to actually go myself.

  • Why does that whole “gimp horse” thing totally not surprise me from him?

    Great post.

  • Amen to Rupert’s wardrobe. I voted for him but he does need some new clothing. And I new to buy pantyhose soon so I’m taking your suggestions into consideration and if you’re wrong remember I know your address! Well I think I had it but I put it on one of my white folders and I can’t remember which one.

  • I’m glad the word is getting out about 1-800 Flowers. Someone at my work had trouble, too. Though when she called to complain they sent out nice replacements, no charge, and coupons. But I wouldn’t use them.

  • been a while between blogs…well the ones that get emailed to me….

    Your boyfriend needs to learn ancient history or was the reference to the greeks being inside the hoirse a genuine joke?

  • The Swan was a horrible show…I tried to watch it…but as you say the first and last few minutes are all that really matters…

    That Superstar USA is horrible too…those poor people are gonna feel horrible when they find out…

    The chicken frightens me a little bit….

    I heard Troy was horrible but I would totally spend money on it just for Brad, Orlando, and that other guy…even if Brad and Orlando are idiots in real life :0)

  • You do realize that you could make a whole blog centered around the Haiku Movie Reviews, yes? That’s a brilliant piece you did.

  • Why is it that they’re veneers look like they have horse teeth? I’d be a lil pissed myself. Granted all they’re teeth look better than they did before… btu who wants to be a pretty Mister Ed?

    I wondered the same thing about Tara on the bachelor…. LMAO! Eewewwwww

  • You have at least three entries in this blog.  I can’t handle it!  And when you update it?  And I have to scroll through it again?  Gawd!  Anyway, best of luck.

  • The Swan winner asked if her nose was running because since all of the surgery she couldn’t feel it anymore, and it was most likely pouring out blood and about to cave in.

    I’d love to see Guest Judge William Hung. He could do that swift little dancing move where it looks like he’s batting flies away as he says, “You suck you suck! oh baby, get off, the stage!”

  • Ugh…damn you for reminding me about the Nordstrom pantyhose! I used to work for that place and we had to wear hose with open toed shoes. Of course, I would always forget or they would run, so I’d have to run downstairs to buy some. I bought way too many of those craptacular nylons. You’d think I would have learned and spent a little more money on a quality pair, but no. I’m a glutton for punishment.

  • I am in complete and utter agreement about The Swan.

    To have proper form while these women were working out, wouldn’t they HAVE TO look in a mirror? I mean, I don’t go to the gym more than once a month, but I know to have proper form, you need to look at yourself sweating once and awhile.

    luv julia

  • OMG….I wait patiently for your upcoming entry, only to be extremely entertained EVERY time. Funny, Funny shit. :)

  • That flower order was just messed up. Damn

  • Did they really fark up the flowers or you just sharting us?!

    You are, by far, the funniest female alive.

  • Finding a new post on your site is always a major treat.  You absolutely rule in blogdom.

    Journaljourney

  • well, this was definitely worth the long wait.
    Lmao, that’s all I can say to describe it.

  • It’s a sad day when The Goddess puts up another post and I realize I haven’t written anything good enough to be included as a notable quotable!  Alas.

    Your boyfriend is enjoyably odd.

  • You never cease to amaze. If only you had more sports sections….

  • I always thought that the phrase “Don’t look in a gift horses mouth” came from the practice of examining the horses teeth to determine health and age prior to purchasing the animal.  The phrase means, if someone gives you something don’t be rude enouge to check it for faults. 

  • The flowers are just too funny. At least your mom looks like she was a good sport about it!

    I refused to watch The Swan on principle. That’s true for most reality TV shows, actually.

  • Oh man. You need to update every day. It would be physically impossible for me to have a bad day after reading one of your entries.

  • thank you. i recently stumbled across your blog and i’m ever so thankful. laughter…the gift that keeps on giving!!!

  • And the saying that is attached to the big horsey thingy is “Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.”  Assumedly, they will jump out of whatever they give you and slaughter you.

    Being Greek (well, half) myself, I can honestly say I’ve never felt the hide/jump/slaughter urge myself.  Maybe someday!

  • You are absolutely hilarious!  I love your posts.  Sad to say I never watched the swan.  I got too involved with Survivor and American Idol.  I was rooting for LaToya, but America just doesn’t know what’s good anymore.  I’m so happy they finally kicked off Jasmine.  Gimp Horse!!!  that was great.  I hate to admit it, but I’ve also heard it that way.   hahahaha, I was also taught in school about it being about the Trojan Horse.    Thanks for the product review, I hate panty hose, I try to avoid them as much as i can.  Oh, and BTW, my husband also does the whole fart thing to get the best side of the bed, or couch, or pillow.  You name it, and he gets it through farts.  Keep the posts coming, along with everyone else here, I love them!!

  • The chicken is scary… you know the difference between kinky and perverted?

    Kinky means you use a feather.
    Perverted means you use the whole chicken.

  • another amazing entry

  • Okay, this blog was well worth the wait.  What took ya so long???

  • I bet that’s the rock wall at Galyan’s ain’t it? I pass it everyday on my way to work. Haven’t been there to check it out myself yet. Not that I have to strength to actually climb it. But it sure does make for some good butt watching!

  • You should post more often — too much to comment on in one sitting! :)

  • I forgot how much I missed your site! You totally crack me up! It’s good to be back!

  • Thank you for the exposure. And “Gangsta Rap Night” on American Idol? I’d be there, hell yeah.

  • (Random) Just thought I’d let you know, your site is awesome. Good stuff.

  • Hey you’re back. And yes Boo Swan. Yea Vicky S. We can’t have everyone looking like they’re 6 mo. pregnant.

  • I love these posts, keep them coming.  This site is great.

  • The only Reality TV reference I made recently, was “On a scale of 1-10, by the end of ‘Survivor’, Rupert’s funk was probably a 37″. Then I read an article about that very thing. I seem to remember the phrase “Atomic B.O.”

  • Well, at least your mom doesn’t seem to be upset.  I’ll be sure not to go through them for flowers now.

  • I’m completely with you on the buttock vs. butt cheek debate. 

    And the chicken scares me as well.  Though I’m quite tempted to make the mask and scare my boyfriend with it.  Can you imagine climbing into bed next to that??

    Another witty/funny post, as usual!

  • Your entries are hysterical. As far as the flowers thing goes, just be glad that you didn’t order from the same place my friends son did. He was about thirteen and called a local floral shop and asked for some flowers that said Mom on them but couldn’t be too expensive. She said a name of a specific type of arrangement but he didn’t understand since he’s only a kid; so she got a beautiful funeral wreath of flowers for Mother’s Day.
    The poor kid is never going to live this one down.

  • Congrats! One of your friends has nominated you to enter Miss Xanga! Good luck!

  • WHERE ARE YOU!!!! COME BACK TO THE OTHER SITE AND TALK TO US!!!!!!!!!!

  • Good luck for Miss Xanga! Voting starts tomorrow!

  • wow, I totally stumbled upon your xanga via the Ms. Xanga awards and was extremely impressed.  I’m going to subscribe just because I enjoyed reading your last four posts (even if it DID take me like… 4 hours!) 

  • Mahaha! I can’t believe anyone would put my xanga on a ”Xangans Who Will Make You Laugh So Hard You’ll Shart” list.  Is it sad and pathetic that i consider this one of my best xanga moments ever?

    ~Cara

  • very entertaining post =)

  • Regarding pantyhose….

    Go to a dance shop.  Buy the tights.  They’re not all opaque, and they last for fucking eva’.  Trust me.  I used to go through hose like a mad beast, but these things can last me up through an entire semester.

    They’re stretchy, tight and actually comfortable.

    Relatively speaking, that is.

  • i think i’m funny enough to make you shart.

    but you probably dont.

    bitch.

  • dear goddess, your site is absofuckinglutely great. funny stuff. 

  • haha, you’re absolutely hilarious.  like a younger, hipper, more female version of maddox. 

    and not even as greasy.  you need to marry me.

  • Goddess, you’re my hero.

  • hilerious entry, as always =)


  • OMFG! You are quite entertaining, darling!

    Thanks for the laughs!

    xoxoxo,
    Darling Niki
    http://www.darlingniki.org
    a Xanga blogpage
    Are you dark enough, darling?

  • Ack! 1-800 Flowers messed up my order too! I ordered this big bouquet for my wife for mother’s day, that was supposed to come in this nice vase. I put on the comment box in the online order form that I was in Iraq, so if they have any questions to email me, not to use the home phone number that I had to put down since it was a required field. They called her at home to tell her that they didn’t have the right vase, and could they send a different one. Those bastards ruined my surprise!

  • http://www.xanga.com/item.aspx?user=Olympix2004&tab=weblogs&uid=108359965

    please vote!!

  • Girl, where have you been?  Damn! 

  • Oh gosh, the list of wrongs.

    The trojan horse…

    Oh man that was entertaining.

    Thank you for helping me get through Wednesday.

  • you’ve heard this from a billion other xangans, but dude…you rock.

  • you subscribed to me, and i hitchya back yayyyyy

  • UPDATE, you boogar! lol.

  • Man, Goddess – You’re hot as hell!

  • Rather than 1-800-Flowers, I use Flora2000 with which I’ve had quite lovely luck shipping different arrangements to different parts of the country.

  • Time to Update!! …please?

  • Miss your posts. :(

  • Hey, I know we’ve never talked and you haven’t updated since I subscribed, but I noticed you subbed me (thank you, btw) and I figured I should say hi.  Love the posts you do have, though.  And, a day late, but happy birthday!

  • where have you gone, and why don’t you post any more? you always cracked me up, and i really miss your humor. :-

  • Happy (very) belated birhday!! And, yes, you are hilarious and entertaining. So, I do believe it is time for an update!!

  • *gasps for breath*

    that wedding bouquet for your mom just about killed me… i just kept imagining her face when she received it and i get a fit of the giggles!

    hugS.

  • hello- just wanted to say i really enjoy reading your xanga- its so funny! im surprised its not featured on the spotlight of the xanga homepage.

  • Hello! I came by way of Sydney Chickies xanga. I have to agree with her your blog kept me very intertained. Keep it coming.
    ~Kristin~

  • Nice to know that some people are prepared to sack Brian’s for their own personal safety. Note to self – don’t expect welcome from that guy during a zombie crisis (my name’s not Brian… but yeah).

    I have been mesmerised by the pretty bouncing eProps for too long to be healthy. I guess you provided them with white gloves in the interest of eProp wellbeing, otherwise their ickle handies would have gotten damn worn.

  • Oh god, I’m not an idiot. Gnarg. Brian’s? Heinous error! I meant sacrifice Brians. Erroneous apostrophe has been shot down in flames. Mwa ha haaa.

Post a Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *