September 16, 2002
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Oxford Accepts Homer Simpson; ‘Doh!’ Added to Dictionary
By Oliver Libaw, ABCNEWS.com
June 14 — The venerable 20-volume Oxford English Dictionary contains about 700,000 words, but the editors recently realized they were missing one: Doh!
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I’m a huge Simpsons fan, so I was happy to hear this news. Moreover, the OED’s definition of “doh” — “expressing frustration at the realization that things have turned out badly or not as planned, or that one has just said or done something foolish,” describes about 95% of my waking moments on any given day. Like on Thursday, when I flashed everyone on the Metro.
I assure you I’m not one of those Metro weirdos. If you use the Metro frequently, chances are you know what I’m talking about. For example, a crazy lady once approached me on the Metro and asked if I had any water. When I said no, she walked away. It was only then that I noticed she wasn’t wearing any pants. Or underwear. It was the middle of December. *shivers*
Unlike the Crazy Metro Lady, my flashing is always unintentional. For some reason, my clothes betray me – buttons pop off, zippers fall down, and seams unravel. I keep safety pins, double-sided sticky tape, and a small sewing kit in my desk in case of such clothing catastrophes (with other essential items such as Tylenol, Midol, and chocolate), but I haven’t managed to escape the unintentional flashings entirely.
Not too long ago, I wore a long black skirt that had been hidden in the back of my closet for quite some time. That day, I took the Metro to work, I climbed the seemingly never-ending escalator, I walked around the office, I went out to lunch, I grabbed an ice cream cone in the afternoon with friends, and then I took the Metro back home at the end of the day. It wasn’t until I got home that night that I realized moths had made a huge hole in my skirt, conveniently located at the center of my arse. Even worse, in sharp contrast to the black skirt, I had worn white underwear that day. I was horrified. My parents happened to be visiting me from out of town and when I showed my mother the handy, moth-made air vent in my skirt, she commented, “Well, at least you were wearing underwear.” Nothing like comforting words from Mom to turn my frown upside down.
Thursday’s flashing had the potential to be even more embarrassing, however. I had a doctor’s appointment that afternoon, but I’ll spare you the details as my coworkers sometimes read this blog to find new material with which to tease me mercilessly. *waves to nosy coworkers* I wore clothes that were more doctor-friendly, if you will — black dress pants that were too big and too long (in serious need of a tailor, but I had no other pants to wear that day) and a button-down shirt. I hate wearing those kinds of shirts because they wrinkle so easily. By the end of the day, I always look like a slob.
After my appointment, I took the Metro back to work. I found an empty seat and began reading my book, taking little notice of the people around me. A rattle of a newspaper caught my attention and I looked up to see my former law professor sitting across from me. He was sitting in one of the handicapped seats (naughty!) that face the opposite direction of all the other seats, so he was turned toward me.
I pretended not to see him. He was my favorite professor, but I didn’t want him to see me because I looked like a loser wearing a wrinkled shirt and stupid-looking oversized pants while riding the Metro in the middle of the afternoon when I should have been at work. Silly, I know. But for once, my neuroses worked in my favor! When I got back to my office, I discovered that the two middle buttons of my shirt were open (for how long, god only knows) and I was exposed to the world.
Doh!
If only it had been the TOP two buttons, it could’ve looked like I was intentionally trying to be sexy. But the middle two buttons? I looked like some crazy slut on the Metro who wears oversized pants!! Sure, I probably exposed myself to hundreds of folks on my way back to the office and that is terribly embarrassing, but on the bright side, at least my favorite law professor doesn’t know what color bra I wore on Thursday!!!
Now that I’ve had some time to mull over my recent flashing incident, I’m mad that not a single person told me that my buttons were undone. Are we all so wrapped up in our own little worlds that we don’t even notice something slightly askew with the people around us? I’m curious, so I pose the follow question to you:
If you saw a woman who (due to some unfortunate and unintentional clothing mishap) was flashing the world, would you:
(a) Pretend not to notice.
(b) Stare for three seconds and then turn away, a la Mind of a Married Man (It’s not TV. It’s HBO.)
(c) Discreetly inform her of the problem.
(d) Enjoy the view until she figures it out and slaps you.
Please discuss.
Comments (42)
hmm, that’s a tough one.
sometimes “discreetly” informing someone can call more attention to it… and more people will notice than would have otherwise.
i guess i’d see how bad the problem was. if it was really bad, i’d definitely try to catch her eye and discreetly point towards the problem.
(e) snap a pic with my digicam, upload it to the computer, Photoshop Britney Spear’s head on it and sell it to National Enquirer for a few bucks.
Im terrible….if its a strager I just keep my mouth shut. I dont want anyone thinking Im a pervert!!
i’d probably have to reach out, and attempt to cop a cheap feel. because, hey! that’s what makes life worth living. right?
it’s all abou tthe cheap feels baby. yeah.
I know that it’s totally selfish, but if I don’t know her, what business is it of mine to tell her. It really has nothing to do with me that she wants to show off her not-so-goods.
So I choose “a”.
Thank you so much for your blogs, they bring me so much joy
I probably wouldn’t say anything. Not because I am too wrapped up in myself, but because I’m afraid of coming across as being rude. Not that it’s rude to tell someone they’re flashing everyone, per se, but some people just don’t take kindly to strangers pointing things like that out.
What to do, what do do?! Well, I’d say the LAST thing would be to do what that guy seems to be doing in the photo in the blogentry below this one.
From Binky to Homer, I’m a Groenig fan. I just hope I spelled his name right here. The Simpsons are so classic! I remember seeing a short in a theatre, the one where they go to a family counselor. Then I saw it again on Tracy Ullman, I think. Now they are family. My family. Hmmmmm…. family!
First D’Oh, then quijibo.
As for the flashing thing…just ignore it. If I said something it would be construed as me being a pervert and result in a drop kick to the gonads.
Your blogs crack me up..lol. I generally try and tell people if there is any way I can do so without calling attention to it. I have even been known to write a note and pass it..lol. Except for when I see people’s dresses hanging out of their car doors..then I just giggle.
LOL at Sonia! Okay now I’m giggling again and can’t remember what I was going to say. Usually I do try the subtle eye contact and pointing combo, but if that doesn’t work I don’t flap about it. My theory is, when I hear people giggling, I check my clothing. If it appears that I’m not flashing anyone, I assume it’s someone else they’re laughing at, or something else entirely. I figure everyone has a duty to ensure that their clothes are at least making a pretence at decency
LMAO at the moth hole though.. my MO tends towards sitting in substances which stain the back of my clothing in suspicious shades
After a while I took to wearing a lot of black.. it saves embarrassment 
(Most of my underwear is black as well. It’s just easier that way!)
I probably wouldn’t say anything to a stranger… I’d be scared they’d be pissed at me… but if it’s a friend, then I’d be like “dammit stop flashing me you ho!”
I loved this post! Mainly because I rode the metro in DC for 4 years and I bet you and I could trade some stories (like about watching people try to wedge themselves through the closing doors, getting backpacks and umbrellas and arms struck…what a riot!) Anyway, to answer the question, I’d do (a). Not saying it’s the right choice, but I know that’s what I’d do on the metro, especially, because as you know you’re not supposed to talk on the metro. So how are you supposed to tell someone her blouse is undone without talking?
And, btw, aren’t (a) and (b) pretty much the same, since you’d have to see it first before knowing what to pretend not to notice? hmm?
I would discreetly tell. I hate to be embarrassed myself and feel awful when I see others similarly humiliated.
About the eprop graphics: seanmeister has a little program that generates code you can put into your site. He explains it better than I do. Just find and upload whatever graphics you want to use to your Xanga site, then head over to his site and look for the eprop generator.
ROFL that’s priceless!
Doh!
Oh..I’d always tell. A quick “umm…your buttons are undone…” works wonders
I’m with cree….maybe silence is my best out this time. LOL. How bout looking without the other person knowing it?
I make up new words all the time. Think I could have them added in?
Heeheee… Don’t feel bad. I think we’ve all accidentally flashed the world at some point in our lives.
But I choose C. Because I have told people before that their button was undone or their zipper was down. I hate when people don’t tell me, and I think of all the weird looks I’ve gotten that day. Ah well.. Have a good one.
P.S. I was very excited to see Homer Simpson first thing when your page opened.
I’d like to take the high road here, but I don’t think I’d be fooling anybody.
That’s a very entertaining and funny blog. Geez, I wish I met some of the people up here in NYC. Anyhoo, have fun riding the metro back home.
Think they’d believe me Wally?
well, you have to be sure it is an accident. sometimes people do things like this on purpose… looking for attention. (my ex girlfriend would do this… trying to see how much attention she could get, we had fun with it)
personally… I would (d) and (e).
nothing more beautiful than the human body, and nothing… NOTHING to be embarrassed about. I think we as a culture need to get past that whole issue. Nudity is natural. Clothes are functional for 1. protection 2. warmth 3. giving us pockets… we shouldn’t be neaurotic about our bodies, and skin,a nd people seeing it. so what? it’s a body. it’s beautiful… in all the shapes and sizes, it is beautiful. a true work of art. appreciate it, enjoy it. and get a free look whenever possible 
I wish we had a metro here
I think I wouldn’t tell. What if the person meant to do that and then I totally insulted them? Or what if it was Crazy Metro Lady? No pants or underwear? Yikes. That would be my luck to have someone come up to me and do that. I have yet to have a totally outrageous experience on the train, but I know it’s bound to happen eventually.
You write great blogs.
I think it would depend on the person whether or not I would tell. If they looked like someone who would appreciate being told, I’m discreetly tell them. If they looked like they might bite my head off, I’d keep my mouth shut.
Not a chance….
Just to buck the trend, I may unbutton my middle two buttons too – you know, to make her feel better about herself when she realizes hers are undone.
Unbuttoned woman: “Um, excuse me miss, your shirt is unbuttoned”
Me: Oh I know. So is yours by the way.
*Shrug* It’s a thought
Doh! Funny story! Go get some mothballs…they’re expensive but you have no idea how difficult it is get get their little moth legs apart!
Hey, thank for visiting my blog. I see you like purple to!
Being that I’m a woman, if the flashing situation was pretty embarrasing, I would discreetly inform them. But, on one of those Morning radio shows, one of the dj’s had noticed a girl starting her period with white pants on, he took her to the side, told her politely, and in a week got a sexual harrasment form on his desk. So, it all depends.
I’d probably wouldn’t tell, just because it would embarass the person further. Hehe, so, do you tell people that their fly is open?
Nice banner BTW, did you make that yourself?
#1: How the hell do you have so many commenters? Jesus, Danielle you’re like the Prom Queen of weblogs! And #2, how the hell did you make that coolass banner? You rule!
I would tell her..probably outload though. I have no shame
I’m beginning to think your flashing habits rea not unintentional after all!
I say live and let live. I am not saying anything to a woman like “hey, I just happened to notice that your shirt is undone” because of course, that means I am guilty of something…..
Hmmm….I choose C. I’m such a kind person like that. Haha. Yeah right! I’d probably see it, laugh, and then carry on. J/K….well, maybe. I have been a horrible blogger/reader these past weeks, so this is the first time I have seen the new layout. I like it.
I think I would have told you that you were being a little :::clears throat::: unconservative, But then again, if I did tel you I might have come off as a perv because that would mean that I was looking, haha… I tell my friends when they have stuff in their teeth or nose, but I think your case is a bit different
This entry is HILARIOUS! Rock on!
–L
Loved this post. Talk about candor– this is the reason I read blogs, not for amateur poetry and musings on the meaning of life!! Anyway, I’d definitely tell someone about the buttons, as discreetly as possible. What goes around comes around, as they say– and I’m finding the number of “Not my problem, none of my business, they might get mad at me” responses to your question pretty disturbing!! Damn, people!! Mad?? How about so eternally grateful I’ll buy you lunch and be your best friend?
i want you to flash some pictures of you on your site your very sexy and i like youuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!
Discovered your site and had so much fun reading these posts. Boy will I be back for more!
i would tell her. i don’t know how discreet i’d manage to be, b/c i’m just not that tactful. haha.
LMAO! That was too funny, and congrats on acctually making me laugh. ^_^ Peace…
*Grae*
I’d tell her of the mishap in hopes that shed undo a few more buttons haha
rubby, rubby, rubby. sorry, I’m weak. I’d also want Polaris Kitten sitting there with you. Peace (stronger next time) JtheP