June 15, 2007
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How Not To Be An Asshole . . . In The Bathroom
1. Flush. Toilets don’t come with instructions, but they aren’t hard to figure it out. Use your foot if you don’t want to touch the handle. And check to make sure everything went down with no tell-tale skid marks. If you are squeamish about looking at your own shit, think about how others feel when they get an eyeful of the presents you’ve left behind. Keep flushing until you’ve done the job right, dammit.
2. Don’t leave the paper toilet seat cover on the toilet seat. If you are using a toilet seat cover, you already have an appreciation for avoiding butt germs from strangers. Leaving the toilet seat cover for someone else to dispose of is just rude. What makes you think your butt germs are better than anyone else’s?
3. After you are done with your dirty business, wash your hands and get the hell out. Some people (me) have shy bladders and cannot urinate when others are within earshot. Proper hygiene is important, but there is no need to spend five minutes scrubbing in like you are about to perform heart surgery.
4. Whenever possible, leave at least a one-stall buffer zone between you and the next person. I don’t care if you have a “favorite” stall you like to use. Always use the stall that is the farthest away from everyone else.
5. Ladies, close the goddamn top of the sanitary napkin dispenser after you’ve shoved your bloody, monster-sized pad (with wings) in it.
6. No talking. No moaning, no groaning, no sighing. I don’t care if you just squeezed out a poo the size of Loch Ness. QUIET ON THE SET!!!
Comments (27)
LOL! It all had to be said.
With the exception of # 5, this applies to our side as well.
Thanks for the public service announcement
The buffer zone thing is what annoys me the most.
And I’ve had people have an entire phone conversation in the mens room. WTF?
Don’t forget the newest ‘thing’…cell phones REALLY don’t have to be used while one is in the bathroom!
I’m a teaching student, so I spent a lot of time in the University’s Education building. Anyway, the teaching students have been so bad about “toilet etiquitte” that they had to post signs telling people what to do – wipe the spiddle, flush please, etc.
Can you believe that? And I thought for sure that at least teachers might know a thing or two about politeness.
Bahaha!! That’s awesome. Is there a copyright on this or can I print it and post it in every bathroom I ever go in?
girl/…..I so know what you mean…I have S.T.S (safe toilet syndrome) and ita hard for me to pee let alone poo anywhere… I was just bitching about this same thing in my blog…..
Wow. Someone had a bad experience today, eh?
Hahahahaha!
Thank you, I couldn’t have said it better.
And I’m totally with 3 and 4.
If you sprinkle while you tinkle,
please be neat and wipe the seat.
Great list! Shy bladders? lol
i had to tell my own mother to gtfo the other day, because i needed to go number two and for some reason she was just loitering around in there. so she left, and someone else immediately came in. i’ve found that if you gently lay a few sheets of tp on the water’s surface, it muffles most of the tell-tale plops. it’s sad that i know this.
hiLARious! SOO right on! and ROFLMAO at forklift’s little ditty above.
god, you’d think this would be common sense for us all!
i HATE this kind of nastiness. it’s just WRONG!
You are hysterically funny – man I wish you’d post more often. I laughed out loud on at least half of those!
No moaning?!?! now thats the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard!
I LOVE YOU.
Ahh yes the internal politics of the loo. Never did understand why they place doors on the stalls.
clap clap clap. thank you.
i have recurring nightmares about public bathrooms.
You are so bossy!
they should just sound proof each stall
lol great post
OMG how funny … I always mumble under my breath when I walk into a bathroom that has a ‘smell’ … flush the dam toilet – but then I think, do I want to breath this stuff in through my mouth ?
hahah, love this one
Needed to be said, yes, but until you’ve seen the state of public MEN’S room, you won’t envision the cause as anything but lost. Hmm.
FUCKING HILARIOUS!