October 16, 2006
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Observations on Living with Special Man Friend (“SMF”)
A continuing series (until I get dumped for a better piece o’ ass)
1. I don’t move around much while I sleep. I’m like those models in commercials that sleep in a perfect pose with the bedding perfectly tucked under one arm, and with perfectly coiffed hair and perfectly done makeup. Yes, I’m exactly like those models when I sleep, except my hair is tangled in knots, mascara is smeared under my eyes, and I have stinky breath. My point is, when I slept alone, the bedding was remarkably undisturbed the following morning. However, now that SMF lives with me, I wake up in the fetal position, shivering and bedding-less. He doesn’t steal the covers; the sheet, blanket and duvet are usually in a big heap at the end of the bed or on the floor. I admit, sometimes this is a result of our hot, frantic sex-makin’, but I cannot blame the Constant State of Bed Disarray on our lovin’ alone. I’ve tried everything – tucking in the sheets tightly, handcuffing SMF to the bed, slipping coma-inducing drugs into his nightcap – but nothing works. This messy-bed phenomenon has perplexed me for quite some time, but last week I discovered something even more curious: SMF had completely removed the pillowcase from the pillow during his sleep! How’s that for a rambunctious sleeping partner? Fortunately for him, I can sleep through anything, even his apparent nighttime krumping.
Comments (20)
the title insinuates that a better piece of ass exists. can it be so?
Has he given you the dutch oven yet?
I found yuo somewehere and love the post. The previous post is equally genius. Kudos, props, whatever you like. I give in to the truth.
There is nothing to do but wear warming clothes to bed… trust me… I know these things!
haha! Your post is hilarious! I love the terms you use for things, I have a SMF (not allowed to call him boyfriend, even after almost 2 years) but he doesn’t live with me. Just hilarious.
MICHAEL REMOVED THE PILLOWCASE FROM HIS PILLOW IN HIS SLEEP LAST WEEK, TOO. amazing.
he messes my bed up too, but unfortunately, i can’t laugh about it like you. it really makes me angry to wake up and see my bed all messy. really angry.
Hahahaha. Ahh, boyfriends.
I’m a messy sleeper myself so on behalf of such as myself I apologize and blame it on the Boogeyman.
I have the same problem, well not recently, hubby is off being a soldier…..But when he is home he is terror in the bed. I tried buying a nice quilt and putting it on a rack within arms reach. That cures the problem once a night. Inevitibly he either gets cold or wants to snuggle and the quilt too ends up rumpled on the floor, or at the foot of the bed. lol Sometimes he has the audacity to wake me up and ask me what i did with the blanket. grrrr. “Look on the floor on your side of the bed.”
aw, i didn’t know webster had epilepsy!
the answer: twin size sheet and blanket on your side, and twin size sheet and blanket on his side! it’s the only solution i have been able to find!
My hubby does the same damn thing to me..By the time you have been married as long as me the only thing you wear to bed is flannel and you sure as hell won’t be sleeping in the same bed as hubby anyhow…
my husband finds ways to remove the sheets and mattress pad on his side in his sleep and still manages to blame me. amazing.
The moral to this story? Men = messy sleepers.
I’m constantly tugging and pulling and rearranging blankets all night long…..then the next day I attempt to be a good wife and re-tuck all of the blankets on his side. I wonder how long that will last….
~Sherri
crumping. hahaha. my dog does that sometimes.
Wow. That’s some intense dreaming he’s doing. I think he was undressing YOU in his dream!
That’s a funny video and even funnier story! lol
thanks for subbing, I put you on my protected list : )
you’re back to regular updates – thank goodness. this is one of the more entertaining places to read.
he took of the pillow case? ummm…. that is just beyond weird. If he ends up sleeping in the pillow case then he needs professional help.
you need to wear warm jammies…I’ve got the same issue, and nothing else works.