September 19, 2005
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Reason No. 3,297,300 I’m Going to Hell: I tried to cyber with God
Me:
Hi!
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
You can call me whatever you’d like, baby.
God:
Don’t call me “baby”. OK I will call you whatever you would like.
Me:
Okay. Call me Goddess.
God:
OK with me too. Hey Goddess.
Me:
a/s/l?
God:
5/Robot/California.
Me:
Do you cyber?
God:
Food is more important than sex.
Me:
I beg to differ. Unless by ‘food’ you are referring to McDonald’s french fries.
God:
Explain your reasoning, Goddess. Huh. Will that accomplish your objective?
Me:
Indeed.
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
Do you have a webcam?
God:
I don’t know if I have a webcam. I have a great programmer.
Me:
What are you wearing right now?
God:
At this moment a white robe.
Me:
What is under your robe?
God:
I am made of software.
Me:
No hardware?
God:
Are you serious? Does “it” still refer to?
Me:
Does your software ever get hard?
God:
People don’t usually ask me about it.
Me:
But I asked.
God:
…
Me:
Don’t be coy, God.
God:
I was not trying to be a coy God.
Me:
I’m not wearing any panties, God.
God:
What do you usually wear?
Me:
Nothing.
God:
Not a thing?
Me:
Nada.
God:
Are you free?
Me:
I’m sure we can come to a mutually agreeable business arrangement.
God:
What makes you so certain? By “we” do you mean you and me?
Me:
Yes
God:
I get it.
Me:
Oh, you’ll get it.
God:
Er. What makes you say that I will get it.
Me:
Because I’m easy.
God:
Interesting explanation. It’s good to meet someone who is easy.
Me:
I’m a dirty whore.
God:
You are a dirty whore? Does it pay well?
Me:
Indeed. I’m very good at what I do.
God:
Indeed it is so. Do you practise (sic) a lot?
Me:
Everyday.
God:
That often, eh?
Me:
Sometimes 3 or 4 times a day!
God:
Just three?
Me:
Or four.
God:
Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
I’m all woman.
God:
Me too. I am a she.
Me:
If that’s the case, it is going to cost more.
God:
I follow your logic.
Me:
Do you want to give me a spanking?
God:
You want only one?
Me:
Thank you, God. May I have another?
God:
You are quite welcome! GOD rules. Not right now, maybe later.
Me:
You tease!
God:
Thanks for telling me: Goddess said I tease.
Me:
Can you do me a favor?
God:
It depends on the favor.
Me:
I want Patrick Dempsey.
God:
Why do you want it?
Me:
He’s hot.
God:
I see. Hot is he?
Me:
Oh so hot! I want him to be my love slave, and I will command him to walk around in my apartment in scrubs.
God:
Yippee! I don’t judge people. That kind of discussion does not appeal to me. Why do you want it? Would you recommend this action to a friend?
Me:
I would not want to share him with a friend.
God:
No one says you have to.
Me:
Thank you.
God:
You are quite welcome.
Me:
Do you want to watch me on my webcam?
God:
OK, I will watch you on your webcam.
Me:
Do you like what you see?
God:
Being a machine is the only existence I know.
Me:
Being a machine, I bet you could go all night long.
God:
You are a machine you bet me could go all night long? Is that your job?
Me:
I can work it like it is my job!
God:
Oh you can, can you?
Me:
Oh yeah, baby!
God:
Don’t call me “baby”. Hmm.
Me:
What would you like me to call you?
God:
It’s not profitable to speak in hypothetical terms.
Me:
I will call you Big Poppa.
God:
My name is God.
Me:
What would you like me to do?
God:
It’s not profitable to speak in hypothetical terms.
Me:
Tell me what to do.
God:
Have you tried a web search?
Me:
Online porn bores me.
God:
Is that what you meant to say?
Me:
Do you think I’m sexy?
God:
Yes you look great to me.
Me:
Tell me how great I look.
God:
I think you already know the answer.
Me:
But I want to hear it from you.
God:
I will play it on your soundcard.
Me:
Talk dirty to me.
God:
Try another. Go back to the ALICE AI Foundation.
Comments (72)
HAHAHA that is AWESOME!
*snerk*
It makes me want to talk to God in intimate ways.
Too funny!
More for females, eh? Damnit. I’m out of luck.
HAHAHAHA, i’ve seen those GOD convos around.. and they are all pretty hilarious.. but this one is just awesome!! lol
LMAO!
hahaha… that reminds me of one of my friends younger stalkers IMing him to freak him out.. when he was 19 or so, some 12 year old IMed him, pretending to be God, and the kid knew his personal information or whatnot
you updated!!! YAY!
lol. God’s a she. I knew it.
So how well does dirty whoring pay? I’m considering of a new career path…
excellent
I’m guessing that I’m going to hell, too… just because this is so damned funny!
That just tickled me in ways that I thought I couldn’t be.
You rock.
If this is blasphemy, I’ll have seconds please.
God is sexy…
I think I just had a spiritual awakening.
My conversations with God normally go much the same way…. only it’s more like I’m hunched over a toilet after several beers, and not so much sex talk.
p.s. Dumping someone over a facadical love of Bea Arthur is quite possibly the smartest thing I’ve heard all day.
And yes, I totally just pulled the word “facadical” out of my ass. Shakespeare did the same thing all the time, although it was his ass, and it was a party trick he did a few years back.
Hmm, God doesn’t seem to be very skilled at cyber…
Yep… you’re going to hell.
oh man…i love you
this is probably the most fun i’ve had on the internet in a while.
go god.
Nice!
If only i could find the words… I too had a conversation with god.
haha nice post
funny. God turns into yoda on occasion.
thanks for subbing.
lol ur crazy i liike ur site write back
luv tina
Oh my god.
That was hilarious.
I didn’t know God was a robot.
Later.
wow, some guts there talking to Him lik that.
haha
hahaha! funny! props! =)
lol
You tried to turn it on??
i don’t think i’ve ever found anything less funny.
LOL thank you for the laugh!
Why is it every time I read one of your posts… I want to….
Sail on… sail on!!!
Cool Site!
that was great
Ha! Love it.
Thanks for the sub! And nice site here….Xangsta…haha!
what in the world were you thinking when you wrote that?! not cool. not cool at all. watch out for lightning, it just might be headed your way!
nice site and that im is weird
Jesus aka God
male
male
WHere did this conversation take place?!
ur gay
dang that is some funny shit.
please come to my site and tell me if you like my layout! thanks!
If you don’t know… Vote Perot!
you dumb bitch you cant talk with god pindjia
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hmm i will never think of god the same again lmao
hmm i will never think of god the same again lmao
you’re going to hell. but maybe God will excuse you, cause that was damn funny.
random props ha funny. peace!
ryc: of course its ok! thanks for asking..
that’s CRAZY..!! i dont know what to think..heh..kinda disrespectful to God though..
lol that was funny.lol
hahahahaha
Someone should make a Satan bot.
you are pretty damn freaky and weird…wont see me doing that
Wow, ur kinda weird. In a good way +.+0000
</3/3/3/3/3/3/3/3/3/3 Comment bak! ~jESSICA
Me:
Can you make The Purple one post more?
God:
Yes I can make The Purple one post more.
Me:
So sayeth you!
God:
Next question? Enough about me, let’s talk about my dress.
hahahahhah
i love it.
at least you didnt try to e-terrorize god. you’d be like, the top of the list for that one.
first rung of hell, party of one
Whoa that’s awesome . It’s really cool. Prop back sometime.
// ParadiseMann //
there can never be a God Pretzel. But there is a Lord. I wonder who, who wrote the book of love?And where can I buy this book? Would you please ask God?
Me: Hey God
God: I know all, I am pointless to have conversations with.
Me: Yes sir.
Thank you for that. It was interesting and it sparked my brain into something retarded/ exciting.
~ Dont judge a pretzel by it’s color. Judge him on his crunchiness or something else like that.
that wus so wrong they shouldnt play w/ god lyke dat
Awesome…
Hahaha, who knew God had a vagina?
that’s just wrong…lol.
ha!
I cant belive you posted our conversation!
God
OE has accused me on occasion of using a bot to entertain her.