Miracle

The scary Russians

Bad hair from the Seventies

Go team USA!

Lost in Translation

A plotless movie

Extreme close-up of her ass

Bill Murray is hot

Euro Trip

One dominatrix

A little bit of incest

Lots of penises!

A Blog Isn’t Complete Without A Camel Toe Ad

Click Picture to Enlarge. Do it!

This Month’s Strongly Worded Letter

Dear Bank,

I write to advise you that not everyone drives SUVs. As such, I’m at a loss as to why you’ve built all of your drive-thru ATMs approximately seven feet off the ground so only monster truck drivers and Yao Ming are able to insert their cards into the machine from the comfort of the driver’s seat.  While I used to be a big Dukes of Hazzard fan (Bo was so cute), the novelty of climbing out of my car window to reach for the ATM has worn off. 

Please find enclosed a copy of medical bills incurred from the treatment of my neck and shoulder injury, which is a direct and proximate result of the negligent construction of your ATMs and your willful and wanton disregard for the wellbeing of your shorter-armed, non-SUV driving customers.

                                                   Very truly yours,

                                                   The Goddess

These Xangans Made Me Snarf My Grande Non-Fat No Whip Mocha From Starbucks

“The Jesus Club and I got off to a rocky start after I told them I had given up Christianity for lent.” – jay321 

“After a healthy dose of Marcus Aurilius, I’ve decided to live every day as if it were the last day of my life, thus: I wake up around 5:00 in the morning, spend an hour making funeral arrangements, then sit in my room and wait…” – Rue_the_day

“I saw this other girl who was skinny. Really skinny. Like, so skinny that if she were eating a kabob, you wouldn’t be able to see her and all you would see is a floating kabob magically disappearing and the girl slowly reappearing as she eats more of the kabob. I don’t know. Did that make sense? She’s just really skinny.” – cheezprincess

“two words: sleeveless turtleneck.  i mean, that piece of clothing alone makes absolutely no sense.  a sure fire clear sign that girls are aliens.” – chrischoi

“i lost my pants.  not in that fun way, either.” – rache

“I think I am going to start telling people that my job is recreating scenes in history channel documentaries.  Isn’t that a neat job?  I could say, ‘Did you see the one about the early settlers?  I was the one on the porch churning the butter.’” – grrlgenius

“If I could gather together all the Jennifers in the world (or variations of that name), I’d murder them all… even risking the eternal damnation of my soul within the fiery bowels of Hell… just so I could use the word ‘jennocide’” – TheHorseYouRode

“Although it IS tempting, and I’m sure thrilling for you in some strange way, it’s NOT critical to use the crotch seam of your pants to strangle your poor cha-cha. (That’s Lil Kim’s job, and she gets paid to do it.) I mean, there’s a restriction of blood circulation going on down there!  Put your hands in your front pockets and adjust those cooter-crimping pants down a few inches.  Please.  Pretty, pretty, please.” – Midorisour

“Ahhh, I’m now imagining the entire world tainted by just-pissed-with hands.” – linearpanda

“If you ever want to cut your time at traffic court in half, before the court reporter lady starts punching in the Pythagorean Theorem into her Texas Instrument, let her know the balance of your checking or savings account.  Then she’ll add $100 to that and announces ‘That’s what you owe.’  Then you’ll be on your merry, panhandling way.” – cerveza

“Yeah, I think I’ll stick with being myself. Which is to say, I can talk about the IMF AND lift up my school girl skirt and fuck you like a french whore.” – pinkdegas

“Personally, I think a giant monolithic corporation shouldn’t have loopholes in its policy unless it wants them exploited.  Sadly, they believe otherwise.” – GoatSniper

“When I lost my job I told Hubbard that I’d do anything I could to help his law practice.  So, now guess what he’s doing?  The other night he said, ‘It sure would help my law practice if you’d go get me some pie.’”  – just_margie

“I would like to express my extreme dissatisfaction with the continued visual display for your ass cracks. I would like to go through my day seeing as little of strangers’ asses as possible, and you are preventing me from doing this. There is nothing sexy, cute, or stylish about the region of your body from which you defecate. Furthermore, I would like include in this request that you cease the showing of your thongs as well. I can handle a little leg strap, but when I can see the entire “V” of your V-string and then some, it’s time to buy a fucking belt unless you plan on doing some plumbing… and I don’t mean in the biblical sense.” – the_sibyl

“I want to lie naked and coat myself with succulent lobster tails and feast upon myself for 24-hours straight whilst pretty, kilted carpenter boys top up my wine and warm my butter.” – karos